Do we have contact with them?
Are we involved in their lifes?
Of course we do!
Of course we are!
What happens though when you travel thousands of miles away from them? You grow, in different directions. That’s for sure! We are indeed the sum of our closest friends of whom we spend the most time with. And when we don’t, we become someone else.
We still share the love for each other! The thing is that because of our instinctive need to feel unity we usually cling to people and friends around us. And when growing up you usually go from an average of a lot of different friends in one circle to a 150 in total. The human mind isnt capable of coping with more than about 150 connections in total. Counting that close-circle friends and family and then other friends and relatives who doesnt quite take up as much of your thoughts and then of course the friends of friends and such. According to Dunbar himself the 150 people around you is “the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar”. We are only capable of processing a certain number of connections and drama news among your friends. (Most of this is related to Dunbar’s number and likewise research). And because you want to remember what they are going through, right?
What if we need new influences? New people around us.
Is that possible? I would say No. It’s not possible to carry one more apple if you’re already carrying the maximum capacity. You need to let go.
You don’t through the apple away but put it down gently because otherwise you cannot embrace/carry new ones. This has without doubt been the hardest part of this journey.
Realising that we have to let go.
They are still there and we love to see their development.
However, for the moment we have to put our focus on new opinions/values/behaviour to see what encourages our dreams the most. And in a way, this strengthens relationships even more than staying. It’s a question of trust though. Trusting the relationship and mutual affection.